Hoping to be human someday!

Another Tax, And Some Socrates…

Wednesday, July 1st, 2009

A judge charged a man with a Rs 10,800 fine in a rape case.

The man asked, “Why Rs 10,800?”

The judge replied, “Rs 10,000 for rape and 8% Entertainment Tax by Zardari.”

******

In ancient Greece (469 – 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?”

“Wait a moment,” Socrates replied. “Before you tell me I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Test of Three.”

“Test of Three?”

“That’s right,” Socrates continued. “Before you talk to me about my student let’s take a moment to test what you’re going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”

“No,” the man said, “actually I just heard about It.”

“All right,” said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?”

“No, on the contrary…”

“So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him even though you’re not certain it’s true?”

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.

Socrates continued. “You may still pass though, because there is a third test – the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?”

“No, not really.”

“Well,” concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?”

The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains “why he never found out that his wife was regularly having Sex with his student Plato.”

Something To Make The Ladies Happy Too

Friday, March 27th, 2009

A couple had been happily married for years.

The only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he woke up. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it made her sick. He always used to reply that he couldn’t stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor because she was worried that one day he would fart his guts out.

Years went by and he continued to rip them. Then one Thanksgiving morning, as she was preparing turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards of the turkey and a malicious thought came to her mind.

She took the bowl of turkey guts and went upstairs to where her husband was sound asleep. Genty pulling the bed covers back, she pulled the elastic waist-band of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts in them.

Some time later she heard her husband wake up with his usual trumpeting, followed by a blood-curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. She could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor in laughter, tears in her eyes. After years of torture, she reckoned she had gotten back at him pretty good.

Twenty minutes later, he came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked what the matter was.

He said, “Honey you were right. All these years you warned me and I didn’t listen to you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you always told me I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, with some vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.”

Moral of the story: Men are innocent, women are cruel!

Honorable Liars

Wednesday, March 25th, 2009

A must read for every man and, of course, woman (to understand man).

If a female is reading this article then just realize the value of a man; and if its a male then feel proud of yourself after reading it!

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting the branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, “Why are you crying?”

The woodcutter replied that his axe had fallen into the water, and he needed the axe to make his living. The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe.

“Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, “No.”

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe.

“Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, “No.”

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe.

“Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, “Yes.”

The Lord was pleased with the man’s honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, “Why are you crying?”

“Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!”

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Angelina Jolie.

“Is this your wife?” the Lord asked.

“Yes,” cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. “You lied! That is an untruth!”

The woodcutter replied, “Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said ‘no’ to Angelina Jolie, You would have come up with Camerion Diaz. Then if I said ‘no’ to her, you would have come up with my wife . Had I then said ‘yes,’ you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so that’s why I said yes to Angelina Jolie.”

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.

That’s our story, and we’re sticking to it! 

WE ARE HONORABLE LIARS!!!

Yes, I ripped this from an email. Whatcha gonna do about it?