Hoping to be human someday!

Another Tax, And Some Socrates…

Wednesday, July 1st, 2009

A judge charged a man with a Rs 10,800 fine in a rape case.

The man asked, “Why Rs 10,800?”

The judge replied, “Rs 10,000 for rape and 8% Entertainment Tax by Zardari.”

******

In ancient Greece (469 – 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?”

“Wait a moment,” Socrates replied. “Before you tell me I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Test of Three.”

“Test of Three?”

“That’s right,” Socrates continued. “Before you talk to me about my student let’s take a moment to test what you’re going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”

“No,” the man said, “actually I just heard about It.”

“All right,” said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?”

“No, on the contrary…”

“So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him even though you’re not certain it’s true?”

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.

Socrates continued. “You may still pass though, because there is a third test – the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?”

“No, not really.”

“Well,” concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?”

The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains “why he never found out that his wife was regularly having Sex with his student Plato.”

Tested Failure

Tuesday, June 9th, 2009

I was chatting with Huda this morning. We were talking about studies and I proudly recounted the number of times I have failed in tests. And as I’ve not been writing anything here, I thought I’d do a little post on this topic to make you all…err…happy?

  • I failed in my first ever test: Urdu in class 1.
  • Then I failed in my Physics monthly test in Matric.
  • I failed in the first Physics and Urdu bimonthlies in first year.
  • I failed in the Islamiat second bimonthly, two months later. The teacher made me take a resit and I failed that too.
  • I failed in Electronics-I, third semester.
  • I failed in Electromagnetic Compatibility & Interference, last semester.

As you can see, I believe in: “If at first you don’t succeed, go watch a movie! Studies are not worth it.”

I’m not ashamed of my achievements. Rather, I’m quite proud of the first one.

I was in class 1 and about 4 or 5 at that time. My mother made me prepare for the test but what she forgot to tell me was what happens in a test and what the hell a test is.

So the teacher came in, handed out sheets to us and went to write questions on the board. I being an obedient kid at that time quietly copied the questions, put the sheet in my bag and…

“Ammi, main ghar aa gayaaaa….”

…BERA GHARQ!

Dumbass kid!

Your Tongue And Your Mother

Thursday, February 5th, 2009

Do not test the sharpness of your tongue on the mother who taught you to speak!

Hazrat Ali (A.S.)

SAWJ’s GRE Theory of Poopivity

Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008

The amount of poop produced on the GRE is directly proportional to the difficulty of the questions, and inversely proportional to the time provided for the test and the degree of consciousness of the test taker.

If P is the amount of poop produced, D is the difficulty of the questions, t is the time allowed for the test and d is the degree of consciousness of the test taker, then by the above statement

P α D

and

P α 1/dt

Combining the above we get

P α D/dt

or

P = AD/dt

where

A is the absurdity co-efficient of the English Language section. The higher the value of A, the more the poop!

Are You Smart Enough?

Friday, November 28th, 2008

Are you smart? Find out here. And post your score (numeric too!) in the comments.

They had a Super IQ Test too. Don’t know why they removed it but it was awesome!