Kick His Ask!
Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008PPPP: Parveen Phenyl Pathan Post
Monday, December 1st, 2008A couple of weeks ago, my Mom was angry at the maasi, Parveen, for trying to sneak phenyl bottles away to her own house.
It started when Parveen came to ask my Mom for a new phenyl bottle and said that the previous one was empty. My Mom became suspicious and she checked out the place where the bottle in use was kept. And there it was, a brand new bottle filled to the top, in open view. Naturally, she became furious at Parveen for asking for a new bottle when there was already one present. A long phadda ensued during which my Mom verbally clobbered the maasi top, left, right and bottom and the maasi kept trying to fight back but to no avail. Verdict: Parveen was trying to sneak bottles away and was a bloody thief.
*****
Now, in light of the recent happenings in Karachi, and also having heard the tales of Pathans misbehaving with women and abducting whole buses full of them from Korangi in the wake of Benazir’s brilliant decision to wave at her supporters by appearing through the sunroof, her opinion about Pathans and Afghanis isn’t really a flattering one. Our house is located in a predominantly MQM area but an ANP (Pathan) stronghold is not far off.
She was talking to my phuppo on the phone today about the situation in Karachi.
During the conversation, she remarked: “If Pathans ever attack our home, I have two phenyl bottles ready. I’ll drink one and give the other one to my daughter to protect us from their misbehavior.”
You know me… 
“What if Parveen has snuck those bottles away?”
اوپر والا جب بھی دیتا، دیتا چھپر پھاڑ کے
Friday, September 19th, 2008At ten in the morning, I woke up to see my mother on the phone. She looked at me and said, “Your sister has secured the first position in her ACCA Financial Accounting paper in all of Pakistan.”
I thought: “Again?“
Mom: “I want you to get 90% marks on your TOEFL, do you understand?”
Me: “Huh???”
اوپر والا جب بھی لیتا، لیتا چھپر پھاڑ کے
Sometime later my sister called again.
My mother turned to me, “Your sister has also gotten the third position in her Financial Accounting and the fourth position in her Tax paper in the whole world!”
I thought: “That explains the low IQ rate of the world!”
Mom: “I want you to top your TOEFL in the whole world, understand?”
Me: *blank look on face*
SAWJ’s Note: This is a modified version of events to make them sound funny. You don’t know what I had to bear!
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