Hoping to be human someday!

Aakhir Abba Kis Ke Hain!

Monday, July 13th, 2009

I went out with my cousins and sister to Arena for bowling on Saturday, and for dinner later in the night. If I go out, it’s fine but my sister has to seek my father’s permission to go on such occasions. (Thank God I was spared the misery of being a daughter! :D )

We were told to return by midnight (Dad gets angry if sis stays out later than midnight) but we got late, like really late…we went for dinner at 12 a.m. Told mom that we would be late.

Later, when we were eating, Mom called me to ask where we were. Told her we were eating and would be back in half an hour.

When we came home at two-thirty, Mom was angry as expected.

Reason for anger: Your father woke me up around two to find out where you two were goofing around and wait for you, and calmly went to sleep himself!

In Urdu (On Raapchick’s request): Tumharay Baba bhi ajeeb hain. Mujhay utha diya ke tum log nahin aaye aur khud mazay se jaa ke so gayay!

Cashing In…

Thursday, July 9th, 2009

For the past ten years, I have been the master of emotional blackmailing, specially with my Mom. Be it Eid, or Ramzan, my birthday or any other occasion, I know how to get my way. So it’s only natural that my Mom would learn something from me after all this time under my supervision.

It was her birthday two days ago and she had to go to a valima.

Mom to sister: “Rida, meray kapray istari (iron) kar do warna mujhay karnay parein ge. Aaj meri birthday hai!”

Obviously, sis wouldn’t want dear mommy feeling bad on her b-day. Mom easily cashed in the occasion.

Now me being the master of such stuff, how do I cash in? My Mom’s birthday, that is.

Easy money! :D

“Rida, meray kapray istari kar do, warna ammi ko karnay parein ge. Aaj un ki birthday hai!”

Tum Karo To Chamatkaar… 2

Wednesday, May 6th, 2009

Almost one week later, things are no brighter.

Apparently on Monday, Mr. Senior Manager of Forde…err…For…uh…whatever, decided to complement Mr. Manager’s terrorizing effect on my sister by dropping in unannounced and asking her why she was late. Which in turn led to me being the target of frustration of the whole family, as always.


On Tuesday, she announced that her new leaving time would be 8:15 am, not 8:45 am. When my mom tried to wake me up at 7 am, I decided, in my sleep, to go to office by myself in hopes that the car would be back by 9 am. Ain’t the first time I was wrong.

As expected, both her Manager and Senior Manager don’t mind twenty minutes of make-up and other uselessly wasteful stuff. I woke up at eight, only to find her in the bathroom. Later on, when I was in the bathroom, she announced that she would leave after eight-thirty as one liability on her had been killed by my selfless decision to go by myself.

I got ready around 9:45 am, and my grandfather dropped me off. I was more than late but I could afford it as my bosses were busy with their exhibit at the ITConnect Expo.

As my luck has had it multiple times, another was no surprise: Mr. Senior Manager failed to show up. He postponed his visit by one day to…yes….today. The whole world wants to see me miserable.


My sister left this morning, again at “8:15 am”. And I being the smartest and most agile guy in the world, got ready at ten. Thinking that everything was going fine, I got out of the shower only to be verbally clobbered by my mom with a lecture on punctuality.

Got into a fight with her and after watching all my counterattacks being gunned down by her ultrasonic comebacks, I resorted to the last tactic in my arsenal: self-annihilation!

Well, not exactly. You wouldn’t call “refusing to eat breakfast” that.

This tactic worked, until she decided to use her last one as well: Call Daddy!

I fought valiantly, like a brave soldier to the last drop of my willpower and resisted the temptation of omelette and toast but her last attack made me shit my pants.

You won the battle mom, but you ain’t winnin’ the war: Daddy ain’t always home!

Now I’m sitting in office, feeling luckier than ever after being informed that Mr. Boss was inquiring into our arrival timings in the morning before leaving for the exhibit.

Someone kill me please!




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Ammi Aur Geo

Sunday, December 21st, 2008

I was pondering over my choice of topics to write:

  • The History of “SAWJ”
  • My Mom’s Wish To Become A Geo Anchor

I’ve decided to go along with the latter. This week is the last of my funny posts as next week, Muharram begins.

So it all started when my Mom came to me and asked me to get Geo’s number. Naturally, I asked why.

“I want to become an anchor on Geo.”

“Why?”

“I’ll earn money. I can be an anchor. Your father has given the go-ahead. Get me the number.”

“No way! You’re not going on Geo TV. I’m not going to let my dignity and honor be trampled this way.”

*****

Later, we were sitting with my father at the dining table.

امّی: اس سے کہیں، یہ مجھے جیو کا نمبر نہیں دے رہا۔

میں: جیو جا کے کرنا کیا ہے؟

امّی: بھئی پیسے ملیں گے، لوگوں کی نظروں میں آجائوں گی، مشھور ہو جائوں گی، سیاست میں آجائوں گی اور پھر وزیرِ اعظم بن جائوں گی۔

!بابا: اور پھر خودکش حملہ ہو جائے گا

My father has a killer sense of humor. He rarely jokes but they always hit bulls-eye!


Kick His Ask!

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008

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