Hoping to be human someday!

Tum Karo To Chamatkaar… 2

Wednesday, May 6th, 2009

Almost one week later, things are no brighter.

Apparently on Monday, Mr. Senior Manager of Forde…err…For…uh…whatever, decided to complement Mr. Manager’s terrorizing effect on my sister by dropping in unannounced and asking her why she was late. Which in turn led to me being the target of frustration of the whole family, as always.


On Tuesday, she announced that her new leaving time would be 8:15 am, not 8:45 am. When my mom tried to wake me up at 7 am, I decided, in my sleep, to go to office by myself in hopes that the car would be back by 9 am. Ain’t the first time I was wrong.

As expected, both her Manager and Senior Manager don’t mind twenty minutes of make-up and other uselessly wasteful stuff. I woke up at eight, only to find her in the bathroom. Later on, when I was in the bathroom, she announced that she would leave after eight-thirty as one liability on her had been killed by my selfless decision to go by myself.

I got ready around 9:45 am, and my grandfather dropped me off. I was more than late but I could afford it as my bosses were busy with their exhibit at the ITConnect Expo.

As my luck has had it multiple times, another was no surprise: Mr. Senior Manager failed to show up. He postponed his visit by one day to…yes….today. The whole world wants to see me miserable.


My sister left this morning, again at “8:15 am”. And I being the smartest and most agile guy in the world, got ready at ten. Thinking that everything was going fine, I got out of the shower only to be verbally clobbered by my mom with a lecture on punctuality.

Got into a fight with her and after watching all my counterattacks being gunned down by her ultrasonic comebacks, I resorted to the last tactic in my arsenal: self-annihilation!

Well, not exactly. You wouldn’t call “refusing to eat breakfast” that.

This tactic worked, until she decided to use her last one as well: Call Daddy!

I fought valiantly, like a brave soldier to the last drop of my willpower and resisted the temptation of omelette and toast but her last attack made me shit my pants.

You won the battle mom, but you ain’t winnin’ the war: Daddy ain’t always home!

Now I’m sitting in office, feeling luckier than ever after being informed that Mr. Boss was inquiring into our arrival timings in the morning before leaving for the exhibit.

Someone kill me please!




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06.05.2009 Me, Rants, Women 42 Comments

Tum Karo To Chamatkaar…

Wednesday, April 29th, 2009

My office starts at nine in the morning. Being the most punctual guy in the world, I leave at nine. Miraculously, my sister also leaves at nine for her ACCA internship crap at Forde Rhodes or Foot Rhodes or Food Courts, whichever way it’s spelled. [Don't blame me, there are at least a quarter of a million words in English, they could've picked up any uncommon ones and formed a name. But they had to act all childish and invent a crappy one.]


According to her, she has to reach at nine-thirty or her manager manages to become a volcano (I wanted to use the word mango here but I had to compromise for the sake of comprehensibility, not everyone’s as smart as me. And if you didn’t get this one, comprehensibility is not a word as far as Dictionary.com knows). For the past week, she kept my ass on fire and started becoming a wailing alarm clock everyday as soon as the minute hand got within 60 degrees of nine o’ clock. And the magnitude of the continuous wailing was always alarmingly proportional to the increasing attraction of the minute hand to the number ‘12′.

Ali, niklo bathroom se, main chhor ke chali jaoon gi!

So I had to bear the pain of getting ready by nine everyday. Yes, this is the reason for me being the most punctual guy in the world. I mean, come on! I need time to get ready for office. And I’m always sleepy in the morning. (Well you can blame my sleeping hours everyday which are usually < =5).

On Saturday, I had to listen to her screaming and it became even more bearable when my parents and grandfather decided to contribute some. I’m seriously going to kill this manager dude someday!

Now on Monday, I decided I had seen enough wailing and got ready before nine. Proud of my acheivement, I came to the dining table only to find that my stupid sister was not ready yet. She was calmly going around, getting “ready” which is essentially wearing extremely stupid clothes with some extra-stupid make-up, and thopafying herself with so much perfume that my eyes roll back in my head from the excruciating pain in my nose!

And then I was like, “What the hell! Isn’t the manager going to lose it today?”

And she kept on thoping make-up. I was pissed! We left the house a good fifteen minutes after that.

My office is near CAMS P.E.C.H.S., not on the main road. The route we take is from Guru Mandir to Shahrah-e-Quaideen, where I get dropped off and the driver takes my sister away. Whenever she gets late, I have to get off on the main road and walk the rest of the way.

Now my anger reached it’s peak when after getting me late, she asked me to get off on the main road because SHE WAS LATE. Can you believe this?

Ain’t no way I was getting off on the main road! Hell NO!!!

I punished her by taking the car all the way to my office. It was her own fault. And apparently, dressing up for office was very important and worth getting it from the manager.

Then what’s wrong with me taking my time to get ready?

Yeh kya baat hui?

Tum karo to chamatkaar, hum karein to balaatkaar?


29.04.2009 Me, Rants, Women 60 Comments

I…AM…SAWJ!

Thursday, December 25th, 2008

She knows now. We’re fine.

Won’t be talking for a while, need to get my head straightened out.

Cigs help. ;)

I asked my friend to come over last night to give me some company. Went out to distribute cards of his friend’s sister’s wedding, smoked four cigs in the span of an hour and then had a late night (after midnight) dinner at a local fast food restaurant. First full meal in days, had to force most of it down though. :D

Got some ice-cream for my sister and then went back home.

Put on Pineapple Express. It’s a funny movie but didn’t enjoy it much.

We both went to the roof and I smoked three consecutive Dunhill Lights for the first time in my life. Usually, one is more than enough to make me go tuuunnnnn and three are more than enough to make me puke my insides out. But nothing happened last night.

Felt better, came down, finished the movie. Friend went back home, I went to sleep after four.

Woke up at ten, usual habit, but forced myself to go to sleep again. Woke up at noon and here I am.

Feeling better now, hope to go out today too.

Yet there’s a thread running in the background. Have to kill it. Where’s the goddamn Task Manager?

This is not me. I never friggin pictured myself this way!

For God’s sake, I…AM…SAWJ!

25.12.2008 Me, Rants, Reflections, Women 72 Comments