She knows now. We’re fine.
Won’t be talking for a while, need to get my head straightened out.
Cigs help. 
I asked my friend to come over last night to give me some company. Went out to distribute cards of his friend’s sister’s wedding, smoked four cigs in the span of an hour and then had a late night (after midnight) dinner at a local fast food restaurant. First full meal in days, had to force most of it down though. 
Got some ice-cream for my sister and then went back home.
Put on Pineapple Express. It’s a funny movie but didn’t enjoy it much.
We both went to the roof and I smoked three consecutive Dunhill Lights for the first time in my life. Usually, one is more than enough to make me go tuuunnnnn and three are more than enough to make me puke my insides out. But nothing happened last night.
Felt better, came down, finished the movie. Friend went back home, I went to sleep after four.
Woke up at ten, usual habit, but forced myself to go to sleep again. Woke up at noon and here I am.
Feeling better now, hope to go out today too.
Yet there’s a thread running in the background. Have to kill it. Where’s the goddamn Task Manager?
This is not me. I never friggin pictured myself this way!
For God’s sake, I…AM…SAWJ!
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