Hoping to be human someday!

Teer Toota, Sher Aaya…Bhaingay Ke Saath

Monday, March 16th, 2009

In the last few days, we saw enough chaos throughout Pakistan (at least on Geo TV) to believe that the end of the PPP government was near. The bald lion with hair implants and no balls, was leading the long march towards the capital to crap on the Constipation Constitution Avenue, and ultimately on the country. The government set up many hurdles from Karachi to Islamabad and all over the country to try to keep the capital city clean (it’s far easier than the sanitary work required after any long march).

But the marchers were not to be stopped. The laxative of “foreign exchange” imported from India, and that locally manufactured in Raiwind, was forcing them to keep going. One guy had it so bad that he took his pants off on the way and Express News made live coverage of the incident, breaking the record “We Report First” streak of Geo News.


Since it began, the lawyers’ movement has been a cause of great instability in Pakistan. Yes you read that right, asshole! If it’s responsible for bringing democracy to Pakistan, Musharraf’s resignation, etc then it’s also responsible for the increase in terrorism, decline in economy, moral decline (see video above) and the Mumbai attacks. Okay, that’s outside Pakistan. How about the Marriott bombing?

Lawyers never questioning the motives of Nawaz Sharif in his stand for the independence of judiciary, when he is guilty of having it attacked in his last tenure as PM of Pakistan, makes me doubt the credibility of their own stand as well. Even the media forgot about it. So as I see it, all this support for Chauhdry comes from liars and hypocrites, and those fooled by them. As for Nawaz, we can all see that he’s using the lawyer’s movement to joyride into the PM house. Or the presidency. That is, if Zardari leaves. Speaking about Zardari, see this.

Throughout this comical episode, many promises were made.

Welcome back, Mr. Chauhdry, it’s time to stand up to your claims. So wipe that smile off your face and get to work. And get a toilet paper roll too because if you don’t live up to your talk, the real citizens of this country are coming to make you shit your pants.

Indo-Pak Cyber War

Tuesday, November 25th, 2008

India – Pakistan in State of Cyber War

In response to an action by HMG, Indian script kiddie, who hacked OGRA’s website, A Pakistani Group called PCA (Pakistan Cyber Army) has reportedly hacked at least five Indian websites including http://www.ongcindia.com/ – Indian Oil and Natural Gas website.

Other websites which were hacked by Pakistanis include

http://www.syscontech.in/
http://www.iirs.gov.in/
http://www.ctram.indianrail.gov.in/
http://www.kvrtm.org.in/

I got a chance to speak with PCA, who confirmed that their group knew this web-server for last two years which is hosting most of Indian Government Websites, but they never hacked it, despite it was never a big deal for them. PCA was of the view that they are not criminals and bear no bad intentions for anyone, but they could not see Pakistani websites getting hacked by Indians; so they had to hack these Indian websites.

PCA left following message on http://www.ongcindia.com/

This is a message from PCA for HMG(script_kiddies) in return to the ogra defacement.
Backoff , go read some course books else you will loose both , your name and this game.
We will literally SMOKE YOUR DOORS OFF like other groups did before.
This is just a warning to Indian authorities either
to launch inquiry against HMG or get ready for more action.
We were sleeping but not Dead.
Now Face the consequences
HAroon + HAmza + ABunasar
Naveed + Hassan
Pakistan ZindaBad

PCA asked Indian authorities to take action against HMG (the group that hacked OGRA’s website). The most notable part of this defacement is

This is just a warning to Indian authorities either to launch inquiry against HMG or get ready for more action

As I mentioned in my previous post that OGRA’s website was hacked by a Indian Script kiddes, who was actually not aware of the consequences. But his little mistake may fan the fire of cyber war between India and Pakistan. Exactly the same was as it happened before; meaning that a little mistake is going to lead us to a situation which can damage both countries’ websites.

Previously, both countries remained in state of cyber war during 1997 to 2002. From Pakistan’s side the war was fought by Dr. Nuker, the founder of PHC “Pakistan Hackers Club” and MFRD, founder of G-force. These two groups were responsible for defacing hundreds of Indian websites, and broke all previous records of cyber war history. Both of the Pakistani Groups then settled issues with NEO, an Indian hacker to conclude that 5 years running Cyber war.

By Muhammad Ali Raza. © 2008 Pro PakistaniAll Rights Reserved

Shared by: Zeeshan

SAWJ’s Note: PCA’s stance is right but I hope this ends right here and doesn’t lead to “cyber tensions” between the two countries!

Some Keywords Leading To My Blog

Wednesday, November 12th, 2008

I did a little research on what leads people to my blog. Among the keywords searched, I found the following pretty interesting:

  • “blog” and “sherry rehman”
  • aash dob
  • daughter of president pervaiz musharraf   [Saalay tharki kahin ke!]
  • doros ali jafri   [WTF?!?]
  • forwarded email revenge
  • gre exam beard passport   [What's GRE got to do with beard and passport?]
  • orkut pakistan ali kayani   [Who's that?]
  • pakistan + economy + india?
  • pakistan bankrupt   [Still time!]
  • passport control american sayings
  • plumbing slogins  
  • sardar jokes, in his new job  
  • sawj movies   [Didn't know I was a famous movie star!]
  • suzuki carrier
  • hashmi ispaghol   [There's a limit to everything!]
  • پٹھان    [Okay, this one's legit! :mrgreen: ]

Change

Tuesday, November 11th, 2008

Last week, many Pakistanis celebrated the ‘change’ that the American people brought to their country by voting a black man to allegedly, the most powerful office in the world, the office of the President of the United States of America. For the Americans, they are happy because they elected the better man. But what about us? What about the change we brought upon ourselves, ten months ago? Should we be happy?

And what about the fact that the better man of America wants to use any and all means to ‘put an end to terrorism’, even if it means cross-border raids into Pakistan without permission? So far only innocent civilians have died from that. And our ten-month old ‘change’ refuses to defend us. Moreover, he wants to reduce Pakistan’s army to a glorified police force. Making comments like “Pakistan doesn’t need a big army!”. Who the bloody f**k is he to decide whether we need an army or not? Why not reduce the Indian army? Hell, they are the ones wreaking havoc in Kashmir!

It’s high-time Pakistanis knocked some sense into their damn heads. Or I’ll keep on praying for another ‘dictatorship’. And a brutal one this time!

Of TOEFL, Passports, Murghas and [Beep]s

Tuesday, September 30th, 2008

I decided to give my TOEFL last Sunday, 28th Sept. I registered six days before the test, paid $25 late fees with the actual $150. Printed my admin card and saw that I needed a valid passport to give the test. This passport clause is for Pakistan, India and Bangladesh only. (See what a good rep we have?)

All of this might seem fine to you but my bloody passport expired 9 months ago! And you can’t renew a passport within six days, it takes at least 15 days.

Well, the Education Testing Service, which conducts the test, has an additional/supplemental IDs section on their website which states that other forms of identification may be used/required to prove that YOU are YOU, so I thought I may as well take my original NIC and Driver’s License.

Now, we do have excellent computerized NICs and Driving Licenses in Pakistan, thanks to Pres. Musharraf, and I took these along to the test center with me.

I even shaved my beard to match the six year old photo in the expired passport with hopes that the expiry date might not be looked at (well, I wanted to do that for a long time as I wanted to look different even though I ended up looking like a چھلا ہوا مرغا, a concern voiced by my Mom, consisting of  this stolen term from my sister, who stole it from me and I, in turn, had stolen it from a friend who named one of our teachers that for getting a haircut.)

But as luck would have had it, the insane middle-aged man sitting at the gate was looking at expiry dates without paying attention to the photo. As soon as he saw the date, he commented that it was expired and my passport was useless.

I produced my NIC, “I have supplemental IDs.”

“We look at passports only. We don’t need NICs.”

“But that’s only for proving I am me!’

“Nahin ji, only valid passport holders are allowed. Let me call someone up.”

He called his supervisor, no answer.

“You will have to go. You won’t be allowed in. We have turned many a students back for not having valid passports. There is a girl, who came at eight with a valid passport, and I let her sit inside.”

He called again. No answer.

“You will have to go. You won’t be allowed in. We have turned many a students back for not having valid passports. There is a girl, who came at eight with a valid passport, and I let her sit inside.”

He called again, someone picked up and they talked for a while.

“You will have to go. You won’t be allowed in. We have turned many a students back for not having valid passports. There is a girl, who came at eight with a valid passport, and I let her sit inside. Someone’s coming.”

After a few moments:

“You will have to go. You won’t be allowed in. We have turned many a students back for not having valid passports. There is a girl, who came at eight with a valid passport, and I let her sit inside.”

I heard the sound of footsteps and a man appeared. He looked at my passport and I showed him my NIC as well. He took it inside.

“Your passport will be photocopied and sent to Malaysia. You will have to go. You won’t be allowed in. We have turned many a students back for not having valid passports. There is a girl, who came at eight with a valid passport, and I let her sit inside.”

Break.

“You will have to go. You won’t be allowed in. We have turned many a students back for not having valid passports. There is a girl, who came at eight with a valid passport, and I let her sit inside.”

Pause.

“You will have to go. You won’t be allowed in. We have turned many a students back for not having valid passports. There is a girl, who came at eight with a valid passport, and I let her sit inside.”

Yes, you’re right, I wanted to break his teeth and shove them up his [beep].

The man returned and informed me that unless I could produce a valid passport in thirty minutes, I wouldn’t be allowed to take the test.

جی ہاں ،میرے ابا جی کی پاسپورٹ کی دکان ہے

ابھی لے کے آیا

I took my passport, called home to inform that the man on the mission had not been allowed to even start the mission and returned home. On the way, I passed by the American Embassy and thought about ramming my car into it like a suicide bomber and blowing myself up. But then I remembered that I didn’t have any explosives and would most probably end up in Guantanamo Bay rather than heaven. So I changed my mind. Live today to blow up tomorrow!

As expected, my mom was ready with all swords and daggers drawn to welcome me. And what a welcome that was!

My father “welcomed” me later at 1 a.m. in the morning.

As is usually the case, if anything goes wrong in the world, I am to blame!

I sent an email to ETS the following morning and it is as below:

Respected Sir/Madam,
I registered for the TOEFL test on Sunday, 28th of September in Karachi, Pakistan, six days before the test date in a hurry. Your website stated that in Pakistan only valid Passports can be used as ID. My passport expired eight months ago and it is impossible to renew it in less than six days. Your website fails to mention that no other form of supplemental ID is acceptable for Pakistan, like a valid National ID card or the Driving License, in the Additional IDs Section and it’s very confusing.
Please correct this as it has led me to waste an entire month of hard work and $ 175, and getting nothing except sore disappointment on not meeting my goals. I believe this might cause problems for other students as well. Thank you.

Best regards,
Ali Wajahat Jafri
ETS ID: XXXXXXXX
Registration Number: XXXXXXXXX

The reply I got:

There is not acceptable supplemental ids. Like u stated, the only acceptable id when testing in Pakistan is a passport. There are no other acceptbale ids. Thanks.

Does this reply look like that of a 15-year old or am I one of the greatest experts of the English language? Certainly doesn’t seem like the latter.

Maybe they should hire people who can actually attempt the TOEFL themselves, bloody [multiple beeps with full care of grammar].

I went to the passport office later in the morning. The whole process there was computerized with the sole exception being the payment of fees to the bank inside which took the most time. Amazingly, I went through the whole process in just 30 minutes, even though I got lost and couldn’t find the appropriate counter for some time. Damn, that’s development. God bless Musharraf!