Hoping to be human someday!

Tum Karo To Chamatkaar… 2

Wednesday, May 6th, 2009

Almost one week later, things are no brighter.

Apparently on Monday, Mr. Senior Manager of Forde…err…For…uh…whatever, decided to complement Mr. Manager’s terrorizing effect on my sister by dropping in unannounced and asking her why she was late. Which in turn led to me being the target of frustration of the whole family, as always.


On Tuesday, she announced that her new leaving time would be 8:15 am, not 8:45 am. When my mom tried to wake me up at 7 am, I decided, in my sleep, to go to office by myself in hopes that the car would be back by 9 am. Ain’t the first time I was wrong.

As expected, both her Manager and Senior Manager don’t mind twenty minutes of make-up and other uselessly wasteful stuff. I woke up at eight, only to find her in the bathroom. Later on, when I was in the bathroom, she announced that she would leave after eight-thirty as one liability on her had been killed by my selfless decision to go by myself.

I got ready around 9:45 am, and my grandfather dropped me off. I was more than late but I could afford it as my bosses were busy with their exhibit at the ITConnect Expo.

As my luck has had it multiple times, another was no surprise: Mr. Senior Manager failed to show up. He postponed his visit by one day to…yes….today. The whole world wants to see me miserable.


My sister left this morning, again at “8:15 am”. And I being the smartest and most agile guy in the world, got ready at ten. Thinking that everything was going fine, I got out of the shower only to be verbally clobbered by my mom with a lecture on punctuality.

Got into a fight with her and after watching all my counterattacks being gunned down by her ultrasonic comebacks, I resorted to the last tactic in my arsenal: self-annihilation!

Well, not exactly. You wouldn’t call “refusing to eat breakfast” that.

This tactic worked, until she decided to use her last one as well: Call Daddy!

I fought valiantly, like a brave soldier to the last drop of my willpower and resisted the temptation of omelette and toast but her last attack made me shit my pants.

You won the battle mom, but you ain’t winnin’ the war: Daddy ain’t always home!

Now I’m sitting in office, feeling luckier than ever after being informed that Mr. Boss was inquiring into our arrival timings in the morning before leaving for the exhibit.

Someone kill me please!




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06.05.2009 Me, Rants, Women 42 Comments

Tum Karo To Chamatkaar…

Wednesday, April 29th, 2009

My office starts at nine in the morning. Being the most punctual guy in the world, I leave at nine. Miraculously, my sister also leaves at nine for her ACCA internship crap at Forde Rhodes or Foot Rhodes or Food Courts, whichever way it’s spelled. [Don't blame me, there are at least a quarter of a million words in English, they could've picked up any uncommon ones and formed a name. But they had to act all childish and invent a crappy one.]


According to her, she has to reach at nine-thirty or her manager manages to become a volcano (I wanted to use the word mango here but I had to compromise for the sake of comprehensibility, not everyone’s as smart as me. And if you didn’t get this one, comprehensibility is not a word as far as Dictionary.com knows). For the past week, she kept my ass on fire and started becoming a wailing alarm clock everyday as soon as the minute hand got within 60 degrees of nine o’ clock. And the magnitude of the continuous wailing was always alarmingly proportional to the increasing attraction of the minute hand to the number ‘12′.

Ali, niklo bathroom se, main chhor ke chali jaoon gi!

So I had to bear the pain of getting ready by nine everyday. Yes, this is the reason for me being the most punctual guy in the world. I mean, come on! I need time to get ready for office. And I’m always sleepy in the morning. (Well you can blame my sleeping hours everyday which are usually < =5).

On Saturday, I had to listen to her screaming and it became even more bearable when my parents and grandfather decided to contribute some. I’m seriously going to kill this manager dude someday!

Now on Monday, I decided I had seen enough wailing and got ready before nine. Proud of my acheivement, I came to the dining table only to find that my stupid sister was not ready yet. She was calmly going around, getting “ready” which is essentially wearing extremely stupid clothes with some extra-stupid make-up, and thopafying herself with so much perfume that my eyes roll back in my head from the excruciating pain in my nose!

And then I was like, “What the hell! Isn’t the manager going to lose it today?”

And she kept on thoping make-up. I was pissed! We left the house a good fifteen minutes after that.

My office is near CAMS P.E.C.H.S., not on the main road. The route we take is from Guru Mandir to Shahrah-e-Quaideen, where I get dropped off and the driver takes my sister away. Whenever she gets late, I have to get off on the main road and walk the rest of the way.

Now my anger reached it’s peak when after getting me late, she asked me to get off on the main road because SHE WAS LATE. Can you believe this?

Ain’t no way I was getting off on the main road! Hell NO!!!

I punished her by taking the car all the way to my office. It was her own fault. And apparently, dressing up for office was very important and worth getting it from the manager.

Then what’s wrong with me taking my time to get ready?

Yeh kya baat hui?

Tum karo to chamatkaar, hum karein to balaatkaar?


29.04.2009 Me, Rants, Women 60 Comments

Rand()

Thursday, December 18th, 2008

I intended to go jogging this morning so I went to bed early last night, around 1 a.m. I knew I won’t wake up in the morning at six. But when KESC decides to shower it’s blessings on you, you can’t help it.

I turned off my alarm at 6 a.m. and went back to sleep. Some time later, my grandfather woke me up to tell me that the electricity had “gone back home” and asked me to start the generator. It was six-twenty. After doing so, I thought what the heck, let’s go jogging! So I spent half an hour in the bathroom in a vain attempt to empty myself. Then I left the house at seven-twenty.

The park I went to is located near Imam Bargah-e-Bab-ul-Ilm, Five Star Chowrangi, North Nazimabad and it’s too big for my jogging taste (four Nando’s Chowrangis to be exact, and count the outer circumference). Khair, I made a walking round first. Then I started to jog. Completed the first round and then I realized what a shitty habit smoking is. It kills your lungs. And your lungs kill you. When you jog.

After that it was walk, jog, walk, jog, walk, jog. Four rounds and that was too much for me. My throat was completely dry and it felt like the veins in my nose were about to burst. So I returned.

Later, all the muscles in my legs were taught and aching.

Got my bicycle repaired today too. Replaced the tires, tubes and painted the rims, handle and mudguards. Looks okay now, I think.

The picture of SAWJ's Bicycle.

I spray-painted it along with another guy and my hands were silver and black when we finished. I swallowed some too, I think that’s why I’m coughing right now. Then I went for a ride…

One friggin small round, that’s it, one friggin small round and my legs were hurting again. I used to cycle at top-gear full speed, and today even one round at normal-gear fast speed was too much. Well I did manage and I went for more rounds later but the first one almost killed me.

Okay I like to exaggerate a little but my legs ARE going to kill me tomorrow. It’ll get back to normal soon. Hope someone wakes me up tomorrow morning too.

*****

And I’ve been listening to Metallica’s Suicide And Redemption from Death Magnetic for the past few days. It’s a killer!

Awesome, just bloody awesome! Get’s depressing in the middle (that’s what I’ve been feeling for the last few days). Then it picks up and Hammet just kills with the guitar. :D

*****

On another note, I really enjoyed posting the answer to the SAWJ quiz. Some people are out to kill me now! :P

18.12.2008 Me 116 Comments

Defeated By My Grandfather

Saturday, November 8th, 2008

I was sitting beside my grandfather in the lounge watching TV when my mother brought me a large bowl full of fruit chaat to eat, which she does everyday and I always have the same response:

-میں: بھائی میں اتنا نہیں کھا سکتا، میں انسان کا بچّا ہوں

نانا: انسان کا بچّا ایسا ہوتا ہے؟

*****

In other happenings, my sister made Pina Colada for guests => I’m still making Coladas in the bathroom.

08.11.2008 Me, Rants, Women 27 Comments

Muhammad (S.A.W.W.) and Husain (A.S.)

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008

One of the most beautiful and deep aspects of the life of Imam Husain (A.S.) is the great and excessive attention that Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.W.) showed towards him and his elder brother Imam Hasan (A.S.). The affection of the Prophet (S.A.W.W.) towards Imam Hasan (A.S.) and Imam Husain (A.S.) was so obvious that historians and narrators have recorded many different instances of this affection. Below are only a few of the incidents:

The Prophet (S.A.W.W.) was invited to dinner. As he was walking with his companions, he saw his little grandson, Imam Husain (A.S.) playing in the valley. The Prophet (S.A.W.) went forward to grab him, but he ran away childishly. With a gentle smile on his face, the Prophet (S.A.W.W.) started running after him until he finally caught him. He then put a hand around the Imams neck, another hand under his chin, and kissed him. The Prophet (S.A.W.W.) then said:

“Husain is from me and I am from Husain. May Allah love that person who loves Husain.”

Source:

  • Ansab al-Ashraf by Ahmad ibne Jabir ibne Al-Bladhori

Zaid, the son of Harith, narrates:

I wanted to go see the Prophet (S.A.W.W.) regarding a task. I went to his house at night and knocked on the door. The Prophet (S.A.W.W.) opened the door, while he had something hidden under his cloak. I told him about my task and when we were finished, I asked him: “O’ the Messenger of Allah, what do you have under your cloak?”

He opened his cloak and showed Hasan (A.S.) and Husain (A.S.). He said:

“These are my children and the children of my daughter.”

At that moment the Prophet (S.A.W.W.) looked towards the sky and said:

“O Allah! You are aware that I love these two children, so You love them too, and love those who love these two.”

Source:

  • Tarikh Al-Tabari

Salman Farsi has narrated that the Prophet (S.A.W.W.) said about Imam Hasan (A.S.) and Imam Husain (A.S.):

“Whoever loves my children Hasan and Husain, (then) I love him; and whomever I love, Allah loves him; and whoever Allah loves, he will enter a heavenly state filled with blessings. However, he who shows enmity towards the two and oppresses them, I will consider him as my enemy; and whomever I consider an enemy, Allah will be his enemy, and will throw him in the hell fire where he will suffer forever.”

Source:

  • Tabaqat ibne Sa’ad

The Prophet (S.A.W.W.) said:

“Through me, you (people) came to awareness, with Ali you found the way and were guided, all good came to you through Hasan, however, your happiness and wretchedness is with Husain. Be aware that Husain is one of the doors of paradise. Whoever shows enmity towards him will be deprived from the scent of paradise.”

Source:

  • Morooj al-Dhahab and Ma’adin al-Jawhar, Ali ibn al-Hussian ibn Ali Masoudi, Matba’at al-Sa’adah

This kind of love and attention toward Imam Hasan (A.S.) and Husain (A.S.) is not just family love, rather it is beyond that. Similar narrations like the ones above all show that with the knowledge of what will come upon the Muslim community because of their enemity towards Husain (A.S.), the Prophet (S.A.W.W.) wanted to make people aware of truth and falsehood.

Other events during the Prophet’s (S.A.W.W.) life include when Imam Husain (A.S.) climbed on his back while he was in prostration and leading the prayers in Masjid-e-Nabawi (Prophet’s Mosque). The Holy Prophet (S.A.W.W.) lengthened the prostration until Imam Husain (A.S.) got off of his own will!

On another occasion, he was delivering a sermon in the same mosque on his mimber, when Imam Husain (A.S.) entered the mosque and tripped on his way towards the Prophet (S.A.W.W.). The Holy Prophet (S.A.W.W.) got off his mimber and rushed and picked up Husain (A.S.). He then climbed back on the mimber and finished the sermon with tears in his eyes and Husain (A.S.) on his lap.

Another event is that on the occasion of Eid, both Hasan (A.S.) and Husain (A.S.) came to the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.W.), wearing new clothes but looking sad. The Prophet (S.A.W.W.) inquired about the reason of sadness to which they replied that they did not have a camel to ride like the other children. The Holy Prophet (S.A.W.W.) then got down on his knees and asked both children to climb on his back and hold his long hair as the reins!

Round and round he went in the courtyard of Masjid-e-Nabawi but still the children looked sad. He then inquired again about the reason of sadness. The children replied that their camel did not make any sounds, to which the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.W.) starting producing sounds like a camel.

Abu Bakar, standing close by, remarked:

“O Hasan and Husain, what a wonderful ride you have!”

To this, the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.W.) replied:

“Don’t say that. Say what wonderful riders I have!”

Need I write more about the Prophet’s (S.A.W.W.) love for his grandsons?

03.09.2008 Ali(A.S.), General Knowledge, Hasan(A.S.), History, Husain(A.S), Martyrs Of Karbala(A.S.), Muhammad(S.A.W.W.), Reflections, Religious 16 Comments