Hoping to be human someday!

Awesome Reply

Tuesday, August 11th, 2009

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I’m going to be honest of what I’m going to say here. I’m 25 this year. I’m very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I’m greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I’ve dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York CityGarden(?), $250k annual income is not enough.

I’m here humbly to ask a few questions:

1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)

2) Which age group should I target?

3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I’ve met a few girls who doesn’t have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys

4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty

Awesome reply:

Dear Ms. Pretty, I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I’m not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you’re trying to do is an exchange of “beauty” and “money”: Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there’s a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can’t be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It’s not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a “trading position”. If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term – same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or “leased”. Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in “leasing” services, do contact me…

signed,

CEO

J.P. Morgan

Honorable Liars

Wednesday, March 25th, 2009

A must read for every man and, of course, woman (to understand man).

If a female is reading this article then just realize the value of a man; and if its a male then feel proud of yourself after reading it!

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting the branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, “Why are you crying?”

The woodcutter replied that his axe had fallen into the water, and he needed the axe to make his living. The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe.

“Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, “No.”

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe.

“Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, “No.”

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe.

“Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, “Yes.”

The Lord was pleased with the man’s honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, “Why are you crying?”

“Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!”

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Angelina Jolie.

“Is this your wife?” the Lord asked.

“Yes,” cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. “You lied! That is an untruth!”

The woodcutter replied, “Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said ‘no’ to Angelina Jolie, You would have come up with Camerion Diaz. Then if I said ‘no’ to her, you would have come up with my wife . Had I then said ‘yes,’ you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so that’s why I said yes to Angelina Jolie.”

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.

That’s our story, and we’re sticking to it! 

WE ARE HONORABLE LIARS!!!

Yes, I ripped this from an email. Whatcha gonna do about it?

MSN Astrology Don’t Know When To Quit

Wednesday, December 24th, 2008

Your horoscope for December 24, 2008

The romance in the air is palpable. Women can’t seem to keep their eyes (or hands!) off of you today. Maybe it’s that new cologne you’re wearing, or your warm and generous demeanor. Don’t discount their advances as idle flirtations. One woman, in particular, is quite serious. If you’re already in a committed relationship, spend some one-on-one time together tonight.

Can somebody please hack them?

I Wanna Kick MSN Astrology’s Ass!

Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008

Your horoscope for December 23, 2008

You could feel things take off in your romantic life today, Ali. If you have been single for a while, you might find yourself engaged in a charming flirtation now. You could meet someone whose sense of humor is a match for your own! You’ll have fun bantering back and forth, sharing your clever thoughts about life. A nice spark of chemistry should be there, too, and affections could be flamed.

WTF?!

I’m trying to get over it here and…

Talk about the right horoscope at the wrong time!

*****

UPDATE: I just received this email from Astrocenter Special:

Dear Ali,

If you’ve ever had a Tarot reading, you know that such readings are a great store of ancient wisdom and insight to answer your questions and give you direction. If you’ve never tried a Tarot reading, there’s never been a better time than now! We’re offering you a special holiday deal – 40% off! – one of our bestselling readings, the Love Tarot!


Click here to get your Love Tarot for only $3!


Ask your pressing love questions, and the Love Tarot will show you the answers for only $3! Are you two destined to be together? Does she have a crush on you? Is he staying faithful? Reach a new understanding of your love life with the fun, fast, and popular Love Tarot!

But like a one-night stand, this holiday deal won’t last long. So if you’ve never tried a Tarot reading – or you already can attest to the Tarot’s power – get your Love Tarot today for only $3!

Try it today!
The Astrocenter Team

Finally when my mood was getting better, these assholes…

The Karachi Bloggers Meetup!

Monday, December 1st, 2008

Yes, there’s going to be a Karachi Bloggers meetup too!

From their registration page:

Event Website: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=38794231298

The idea is to encourage Internet users & bloggers to meet offline as well. Senior bloggers get a chance to share knowledge & experience. New wanna-be bloggers can learn from the local success stories and network with leaders & professionals in this field.

Date & Time: Saturday, Dec 06, 2008
Venue: TBA soon
Organizer: CIO Pakistan in association with Google Pakistan
Contact 1: Badar Khushnood ; +92.300.8486070 ; badar@google.com
Contact 2: Mehjabeen Sheikh ; +92.21.4255022 ; mehjabeen.shaikh@rasalagroup.org

Since we have limited seats, registration (FREE) in advance is mandatory.

Register here.