Hoping to be human someday!

Shaadi: Life Ki Barbaadi!

Sunday, March 14th, 2010

Mom: ” I have decided that you will be married next year so if you like any girl, let me know by the end of this year. I have talked to your father and he has agreed.”

Preferred Response:

Me: “WHAT THE HELL?“

Actual Response:

Me: “No way! I ain’t getting married, not until I’m 28 at least!”

Mom: “Bakwaas band karo! You keep running after girls and yet you don’t wanna get married. Typical Gemini nature!” [This one is for you Absar! :P ]

Me: “So? I don’t wanna lose my freedom. If I get married next year then this year I’m having halwa-puri for breakfast and steak for dinner everyday!”

Mom: “Fuzool baatein na karo. Insaan ban jao ge tum shaadi ke baad, nikammay!”

Me: “Kar hi na loon main kaheen shaadi!”

Mom: “Shaadi to tumharay baap ne bhi ki thi!”

Me: “Un ki ghalti main kyun repeat karoon?”

Mom: “Aisa thappar paray ga seedhay ho jao ge!”

Me: “Thappar tab paray ga jab haath moon ki height tak pohanch paaye ga!”

Mom: “#@&*#@(!#@ !@^&#&!@#(&(*@&#&@”

14.03.2010 Humorous, Me, Women 26 Comments

Classic Snoots from Snooty

Thursday, January 14th, 2010

Ladies and Gentlemen, give it up for the one and only…SNOOTYYYY!!!


  • @anasimtiaz if mom saw me watching tv…she gona beat me up wid her jhotiyan
  • @anasimtiaz u dont know what jhootiyan is ?? shoes chapal bhoot foot wear
  • @senilius_110 @anasimtiaz do u ever read ma blog …. *naraz*
  • @Senilius_110 lolssssss koi nahi …..hayee agar kaal yahan din ko bijli chali jaye at wrk… ma boss would let me go home early… dua karo
  • @senilius_110 wthhhhh i stayed up till 3am wth wth :( maar kaahni hai?
  • @senilius_110 oh and yeh i am already naraz so u cant b naraz ….dats against da rule
  • @senilius_110 main lunch kar rahi hon …bilkol bhook nahi hai…tum kaah lo ;)
  • driving on an empty road is so much fun……vvveeeee am queen of da roadssssss
  • damnnnn i should’ve brought ma dslr :(
  • @senilius_110 jin kay sar par caaht aur pahon kay neechay zameen na ho wo ghar kahan say lain gay @qurrata
  • @senilius_110 qchi baat hai…i jst had to get dat out of a system ;)
  • damn i cant type
  • @senilius_110 wateve i said earlier dat stuff
  • why whole wrld is sad :S @hmkz_91 @anasimtiaz @senilius_110 @talhaz
  • its mid night and am burger king
  • there was nothing wrong wid wireless ….. it was turned off on ma laptop hehehehe
  • @Senilius_110 shukeriya ejaazat ka muahahahahahhahahaha lol
  • @Senilius_110 behtaa saab sohbat ka asaar hai… mera apna koi kamaal nahi ;)
  • lolsssss lecture suno lecture…. luk teacher is starin at u omg u r in troubleeee @hamnaahmed @anasimtiaz
  • mallu da blue eyes man omgggggggg no wayyy :O @senilius_110 @qurrata @hmkz_91 do something @senilius_110
  • @Senilius_110 u r soooooooooo slowwwww 10yrs later u came up wid “Hain” lol
  • @senilius_110 muje depression ho raha hai :(
  • hayyyeee o rabbaa
  • @hmkz_91 big fat jhooti
  • u know u r frm vancouver when u take an offense for being askd if u r frm toronto….
  • @atwixt dont tlk to me u dont exist LOLLLLL
  • @anasimtiaz omg r u ma twin r somthing :O @qurrata
  • @hmkz_91 u both r stupid
  • @anasimtiaz haayyee nahi u think i’m sell fish :( i jst want u get well soon so u can enjoy ur vacation by helpin wid guitar :p
  • @shezzzles wat if u hav mistaken me for someone :p or wat if u didnt …aab keyaa ho gaaa kuriyaaa ;) muahahaha
  • @anasimtiaz *smacking ma head* r u pretending to not know or ur lost ur memory wid ur bemaari
  • @absarshah that sounds so lik me…gentle, patient, content, sweet, amazing, wonderful, n religious too i guess am frm malaysia too…
  • @hmkz_91 u said u r in bed but u r on twitter =( i wanted to show u ma hot pink dress n makeup …. oh well ur loss *snooty*
  • u r were bzyy @qurrata and @hmkz_91 was lik i am in bed… well now i am in ma maassi walay huleya main …. :S
  • @anasimtiaz ma fingers r hurting… should i chop ‘em ?
  • @anasimtiaz yeh =( i know …. i am tryin to b old
  • nahiiiiiiii :( @anasimtiaz @senilius_110 i cant afford to brk da strings
  • @senilius_110 =( i am gareeb … dil na jalahoo mera… cant even think abt doin dat @anasimtiaz
  • @hmkz_91 kaam bahga karoo na budhii amaa
  • i feel blaaaaahhhhh:S
  • off to bed…… Allah meyan suba ankh kull jaheee :(
  • @absarshah kay taste ka tu pata tah esa hi hai mager @siras_ tum ko keya ho geya :O acha balah hota tah haye hayeee
  • @anasimtiaz gori as in horse :O wow i was wondering where u disappeared …. =( london chalay gay =(
  • yeh happy new year to u too…. see i do fikar for u :D now u owe me ;)
  • @Senilius_110 aaawwwwwww *behossh*
  • @AbsarShah dont pick on ma today … i am sneezing like 80 kmh and ma head spinnin in 360
  • @Senilius_110 OMG OMG sawjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj i had to tell u something ….. u r ma oldddd blog reader… i know u frm 2008
  • @hmkz_91 main b maroon gi …… ;)
  • @Saadie ma cat is fat…*snooty* doc said stop giving her candies so she is on diet these days … i make her run by runnin after her
  • @qurrata omggggg yesterday whole night i was sneezing o_O that means all ma brain cells died ???
  • @qurratA wats Food Basic godddd u spent $99.55 on FOOD :O *behossh*
  • @Senilius_110 change is gud chalgozayyyy
  • @qurratA WHERE IS HUDAAAAAA….answer me, dont be stupid
  • *smackin ma head* ma id is so hard even i forgot wen loggin in today
  • @hmkz_91 oh noooOOOOooOOOOoooOOOoooooOOOOoooooOOoo
  • THEY woke me up for mosque and made me get ready, put nice dress on, make, brand new ear rings and THEY forgot me home :(
  • I will never gona pakaho ur dimaag @hmkz_91 @qurrata @senilius_110 @absarshah @anasimtiaz



She’s gonna kill me now. Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihir rajeoun! :D

14.01.2010 Humorous, Women 37 Comments

Dinon Ki Khichri…

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009

The following conversation took place on a Sunday.

Sher Ali: Aaj kya din hai?…*pause*… Aaj Peer (Monday) hai? Kal kya din tha?

Me: Aaj Peer hai, kal Jummayraat (Thursday) tha.

Sher Ali: Kal Jummayraat tha? Achha…*pause again*…nahin yaar, kal Jummayraat nahin tha. Kal Mangal (Tuesday) tha…nahin, kal Budh (Wednesday) tha…nahin nahin, kal Hafta (Saturday) tha!

Me: Haan…bilkul!

Long pause.

Sher Ali: Aaj Sunday hai!

Me: Nahiiinnnn yaaarrrr, sahi batao!

Sher Ali: Haan, aaj Sunday hai…*long pause*…kal Tuesday ho ga!

Me: ABE CHUP KAR NAMOONAY!

02.12.2009 Humorous, Me 25 Comments

Feeling Suicidal

Saturday, November 7th, 2009

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. – David Bissonette

***

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together. – Sacha Guitry

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By all means marry… If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. - Socrates

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Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. – Anonymous

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The great question…. which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want? - Dumas

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I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. - Sigmund Freud

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“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.” - Anonymous

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“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.” – Sam Kinison

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“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.” - James Holt McGavra

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Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming:

  • Whenever you’re wrong, admit it
  • Whenever you’re right, shut up.

- Patrick Murra

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The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once… – Nash

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You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. - Anonymous

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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. – Henny Youngman

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A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. – Rodney Dangerfield

***

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”.

Next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”

***

First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”

Second Guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive..”

***

Credit goes to my uncle for sending these! :lol:

07.11.2009 Facts, Humorous, Quotes, Women 9 Comments

One Big Happy Cat Loving Family

Saturday, October 31st, 2009

Take two kittens who are no more than a month old and refuse to eat anything but milk.

Take a grandfather who seriously hates everything feline because he doesn’t like his news to be remixed with meows from outdoors.

Take a father who doesn’t like cats because they rip the metallic door nets with their claws.

Take a mother who refuses to spend on milk and other stuff for cats because she wants to save money.

Take a sister who doesn’t give a damn and all she does is say “Awww…” when she sees the kittens.

Take an asshole servant who likes to manhandle them and then scare the shit outta me by trying to step on them.

And then there’s me, animal-fan, wanting a pet but having no other choice than a cat as they are small, easy to manage and need no attention because they sleep away two thirds of their lives.

One big happy cat-loving family. FML!

Taking care of kittens isn’t easy. Hob had his left eye stuck close due to eye gluck and I had to keep washing it with water to loosen it up. Then one day, it opened a little and a lot of liquid came out. I was horrified that I had poked his eye or something but that idiot kept running around with his brother instead of writhing in pain. False alarm!

Then there was this tick stuck to his lip below the same eye. I used to think it was some dirt or a dead insect. My mom asked me to pull it out and it turned out to be a live bloody tick. I was pissed. Crushed it with a broken stapler right there. Nobody messes with my pets, nobody!

Then there comes the feeding part. With a bottle, you dumbass!

You can watch it in one of the videos below. Now, I was feeding Hob and noticed something poking out of his ass. On closer inspection, it turned out to be…potty. That idiot was pooping while he was eating…on me!

On top of this, Mr. Nob has a habit of holding the bottle with his paws while drinking. And he don’t give a shit if it’s my finger he’s got his nails clamped into.

Then there’s the chewing part. They don’t drink like real nice gentlemen, they have to frikkin chew on the goddamn bottle. I have to get them to be really hungry before feeding them so they don’t feel like wasting time on chewing.

Plus, Mr. Hob likes to suck Nob’s leg while sleeping!

And now, they both have eye infections. FML again!

You can watch the videos now. :P

31.10.2009 Animals, Humorous, Me, Rants 16 Comments

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