Hoping to be human someday!

Trip To Syria: Flying Away

Sunday, March 29th, 2009

Picking up from where I ended my second Ayyam-e-Aza post, as promised, I’m beginning my travel log of the trip to Syria last month.

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I came back to my house from Zameer Akhtar’s after seeing that he was fine and recovering well, I sat down on my computer and did some last minute net surfing. Stayed up all night. Took a bath and got ready at four and we left our house for the airport. My father was staying back in Karachi and only me, my sister and mother were going. We met my aunts and their familes at the airport and together it was a group of sixteen that checked in and went on to the waiting lounge. Everyone was making fun of my bruise but they couldn’t get the better of me.

Our flight plan was to go to Abu Dhabi and then catch another flight to Damascus. We were flying with Etihad Airways. The first flight was at 6:25 a.m., almost empty and we had the leisure of choosing seats at will. The airhostesses were hot! :D

Plane started moving and we could see the tarmac and runway on screens fixed behind all seats. The take off speed was damn slow. Hell, I can drive faster!

Karachi looked cool at night, full of lights: blessings of KESC.

I took my mp3 player to Syria and me and my cousin listened to Nauhas throughout the journey. Apart from that, I took my camera and external hard drive. I also convinced my cousin to take his handycam and laptop along which turned out to be a very good idea.

After sometime, food was served. The table was attached to the handrest of the seats, rather in it. It was very uncomfortable, too close to my stomach and even after extending it forward, I was unable to comfortably use my hands at such close range. The table was low too and was resting on my knees. Disadvantages of being tall… :(

They had liquor on the plane. Had my mom not been with me, I would have taken the liberty of trying some. Haha, just kidding! 

The food was, well, pathetic! They had a paratha, two rolls with achar chicken type qeema in them, two kababs, fruits (papaya to be exact), tea, butter, jam and…Shezan juice? Being the jugaroo that I am, I managed to have a good meal by emptying qeema from the rolls and eating it with the paratha.

We reached Abu Dhabi airport at God-Knows-What local time, after a flight of 1.5 hours. We had been told that it would be a stay of another 1.5 hours before the next flight but the rude shock we got was that the stay was more than 4 bloody hours!

With the women sleeping in the mosque and the males trying to find places to sleep:

my cousin and I set off to explore the airport. We went to the duty-free section and found all kinds of stuff available there. Liquor, pork, etc, you name it! We thought about buying cigs but nobody was selling single packs, just completely packed bars. We found Burger King and ordered some nugget like things. They were serving hamburgers there as well. 

Abu Dhabi airport is huge but I like Jinnah Terminal better. Desi stuff! And the city is not near the airport. At least, I didn’t find one. The only good thing I found about the place is the Wireless Internet Facility.

Oops, sorry, wrong picture!

The time for the next flight came. I thought the first plane was bad, the second one was downright microscopic! Not even enough space to spread my legs properly. And once the plane started to move, the engines made strange noises like someone was trying to start a car. The take off speed was more satisfying this time.

Took some pics from the plane. During the first flight, I was hesitant to take out my camera and take some snaps, worried about the high frequency noise signals being produced interferring with the plane’s navigation system and making it crash. During the second flight, I thought what the heck, let’s crash!

The food in this flight was absolutely pathetic! I mean, baked fish? Looked more like a roasted octopus to me. And tasted like sponge. My friend’s mom was right. Etihad food sucks like hell!

Don’t know if I should be complaining or not. It could’ve been as bad as this:

Although the leg space does seem adjustable in this plane…

When we were about to land, I tried to find the shrine of Bibi Zainab (S.A.) from the sky but to no avail. Later on, I learned that it was in one of the suburbs of Damascus named Muhalla-e-Zainabia, not Damascus itself.

Landed at 3:15 p.m. local time. My uncle was there to pick us up, with a huge bus. I tried to stay awake on the way to the hotel but fell asleep in a few minutes.

Something To Make The Ladies Happy Too

Friday, March 27th, 2009

A couple had been happily married for years.

The only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he woke up. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it made her sick. He always used to reply that he couldn’t stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor because she was worried that one day he would fart his guts out.

Years went by and he continued to rip them. Then one Thanksgiving morning, as she was preparing turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards of the turkey and a malicious thought came to her mind.

She took the bowl of turkey guts and went upstairs to where her husband was sound asleep. Genty pulling the bed covers back, she pulled the elastic waist-band of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts in them.

Some time later she heard her husband wake up with his usual trumpeting, followed by a blood-curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. She could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor in laughter, tears in her eyes. After years of torture, she reckoned she had gotten back at him pretty good.

Twenty minutes later, he came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked what the matter was.

He said, “Honey you were right. All these years you warned me and I didn’t listen to you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you always told me I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, with some vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.”

Moral of the story: Men are innocent, women are cruel!

Honorable Liars

Wednesday, March 25th, 2009

A must read for every man and, of course, woman (to understand man).

If a female is reading this article then just realize the value of a man; and if its a male then feel proud of yourself after reading it!

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting the branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, “Why are you crying?”

The woodcutter replied that his axe had fallen into the water, and he needed the axe to make his living. The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe.

“Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, “No.”

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe.

“Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, “No.”

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe.

“Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, “Yes.”

The Lord was pleased with the man’s honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, “Why are you crying?”

“Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!”

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Angelina Jolie.

“Is this your wife?” the Lord asked.

“Yes,” cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. “You lied! That is an untruth!”

The woodcutter replied, “Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said ‘no’ to Angelina Jolie, You would have come up with Camerion Diaz. Then if I said ‘no’ to her, you would have come up with my wife . Had I then said ‘yes,’ you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so that’s why I said yes to Angelina Jolie.”

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.

That’s our story, and we’re sticking to it! 

WE ARE HONORABLE LIARS!!!

Yes, I ripped this from an email. Whatcha gonna do about it?

Camouflage

Saturday, March 21st, 2009

Is something or someone here?

Step forward for your Muslim Brothers!

Thursday, March 19th, 2009

This a call for all those who condemn violence in the name of Islam. The atrocities by Taliban in Parachinar urge us to take strict action. We shouldn’t stand silent while our Muslim brothers and sisters are brutally killed. For centuries, innocent lives have been taken on account of what their beliefs are. None have the right to punish anyone for their beliefs. It is not for us to judge others in matters of religion. For once we should condemn those who act like God in their ways and kill people. The Shia community is an integral part of the Muslim world. The differences in opinion between the sects doesn’t certify such barbarism. Our beloved Prophet (P.B.U.H) never taught about sects but emphasized unity among the UMMAH. In the teachings of the Prophet (P.B.U.H) and the word of Quran we are all but united. There is no reason strong enough to tolerate the massacre.

The silence of media authorities is condemnable. However this shouldn’t stop us from spreading the word. I urge all those in the Blogosphere to spread the word on the blog. You can repost or link back but keep spreading the word.

At the end of the day what ever sect/religion we may belong to we are indeed answerable to our lord. No religion or belief instructs such barbarism. I also call upon Human Rights Organizations such as Amnesty International to help spread a global wave of awareness. Being a member I urge the authroties to take notice of this barbarism and give it an international platform. The massacre taking place by the Talbans needs international exposure. Please sign the petition herewith and spread the word. You can write letters to Human Right Organizations to help us spread the word and increase international Pressure on the authorities.

STOP THE HOLOCAUST IN PARACHINAR!

To:  The Cheif Justice of Pakistan, Media Authorities, United Nations

A request on behalf of the Global Muslim community to take action against the massacre of Shia’s in Parachinar. For decades now innocent lives have been taken in the name of religion. We feel deeply appalled and request an end to this barbarism. The Global Muslim Community strongly condemns such actions. We as Muslims stand united against such killings. We consider it our sole right to protect our Muslim brothers in need.

We request all those in authorities to take strict action regarding this. It is indeed shocking to witness media’s silence on the issue. No one should have the right to take innocent lives for their vain agendas. We acknowledge that such killings are against the essence of Islam. Those responsible for such killings should be punished and strongly condemned.

By signing this petition we pledge herewith to support our Muslim brothers in what ever ways possible. It is time to put an end to violence. Islam teaches us respect and tolerance. We condemn barbaric activities conducted for vested interest and have nothing to do with Islam. We ask for immediate actions by :

  • Removal of Taliban terrorists from Hangu-Parachinar Road and its opening to all travelers irrespective of their sect.
  • Accountabilty of all those responsibe for the killings
  • A well-deserved media coverage to the event highlighting the atrocities.

Our Shia brothers have equal rights to exist and believe. The Muslim majority respects co-existence. We condemn those who justify their actions in the name of Islam. For Islam teaches us tolerance and Unity.

Sincerely,

The Undersigned

Pro-Pakistan